[Image credit: David Goehring]
Hello, Curryous readers. As you know, I typically write for the single girl, but upon special request, I’m writing for the single dude. Folks, this is why they call me the Love Guru (ok, fine, that’s a self-proclaimed title. But I swear I’m legit).
In a day and age where chivalry is practically dead, it’s crucial to lay out what about a guy makes him dump-on-the-side-of-the-road-worthy. Now, in general, it’s not best to typecast a guy based on what he is or isn’t capable of doing; HOWEVER, there are red flag exceptions. If you’re a guy reading this and you don’t have these qualities, I commend you. Fear not, ‘cuz you’ll find your girl one day. If you have one or more of these, though, then check yo’self before you wreck yo’self.
Behold, the things I put up with when I was young and foolish. I know better now, but l know people who still put up with these dealbreakers when they should absolutely not be doing so:
1. Bad kisser
No. Nononono. If you’re a bad kisser, I’m sorry, but women can’t teach you how to be good. And even if we could, half the thrill of the romance would be lost on account of us having to teach you. I once tried to teach an ex-boyfriend how to kiss better, and my lessons didn’t stick. Generally, your style of kissing is just as ingrained in you as is your lack of partiality to asparagus.
My advice? Go practice on something. A pillow, a street pole, your fist – almost anything will do. But please – please – don’t impose your inexperienced mouth onto the rest of the world. You’ll do disservice to all the women you kiss, and frankly, it just means you’re lazy. A great kiss sets the tone for the rest of a relationship’s sparks, so investing time in being a good kisser is in your favor.
Sidenote: ladies, if he’s a bad kisser, he probably isn’t well-versed on how to use the other tools in his toolbox. Just sayin’.
Read: not poor. Cheap. Money has never been most important to me (I’m a writer, so duh), and most women won’t expect you to be MoneyBags, either. But if you don’t know how to spend what money you have, you’re a douche and, not to mention, fiscally impractical.
I once sacrificed my rent money for a kick-ass pair of shoes I had been eying. Generally, people go to the ends of the earth for things that are important to them, so if you don’t pay for my dinner, you’re implying I’m not all that important to you. You know what’s worse than not paying for a woman you like? Habitually not being able to pay for yourself (ex. girl hearing “Damn, I don’t have money for this $15 cover. Can you spot me?” from her date after he comes straight from dropping butt-loads of cash at a beer-garden is NOT acceptable. And yes, I’ve seen this happen more than once). If money is tight, move some funds around and prove you’ll pick me over a six-pack of beer.
You give her dinner, she (may) give you sex. It’s that simple. The return on your investment will be worth it.
3. Unjustifiably moody
There’s a difference between being sensitive and being moody. The difference is women want you to be sensitive, not moody; this means you should empathize with us, not act PMS-inflicted for no reason. If, let’s say, your dog passed away as of recent, you get a dead dog pass. Otherwise, don’t expect free passes to be allotted. Creative men in particular like to crawl into that dark place in their minds, so if you’re one of those, don’t do that. Let us in because we want to get into the nitty-gritty with you.
This one goes out to the couch-lounging, perpetually stoned, hobby-less dudes. Women want their men to have a hobby that, whether it is done professionally or recreationally, makes them come alive. We don’t care if your passion is crunching numbers or learning that obscure African tongue-clicky dialect. As long as there’s something you do that makes you tick – something that makes you grin like a boy on Christmas morning – you’re in the clear. A passionate man is a sexy man.
Oh, and PS. the following don’t count as things you’re motivated about: food, playing video games, sleeping, porn, women, hanging out with bros.
Women, if your man lives in a luxury high-rise and you’re picking up the bar tab, or he whines more than you do, or he doesn’t give you stomach flips when he kisses you, he sucks. Move the eff on. Sure, you may love him and yada yada, but sometimes, love just isn’t enough.
Gents, once you’ve worked on yourself, get out there and snag some hotties. I believe in you.